Searching For Answers And Clairty With Perspective & Feedback

Sometimes when I've been working in a situation for too long and I don't understand why things are behaving the way they are, getting someone else to come and sit in on the situation can give you a whole new perspective around what's happening. It could tell you whether you are crazy, or if you've really not lost your mind, or if you've somehow become dragged down into the muck with everything else happening around you.

When you throw in the towel from frustration and realize you are demoralized because those around you are demoralized, it's hard to gain perspective again. You need a coach or someone to come in and observe, with clarity, with detachment, with objectivity, what's happening around you to give you some much needed confirmation that you are not crazy, that maybe you are not screwing up, but only need help and encouragement.

I try to do this for people all the time, but I also forget to do this for myself. I need that small amount of feedback to let me know how I can change things or how I can understand how I got myself in the situation I'm in, and what I can still do about it.

Change is not a bad thing sometimes. Things do not work out, or they don't go according to plan. Often people are pulled in different directions by their own desires and needs. People don't want to fight the general consensus when that consensus is against them and they don't feel they have ground to stand on.

When you are told that people are talking about you and around you, that maybe your approach could be changed, but you don't know how and they don't know how, sometimes it's hard to see. When someone explains it to you via a story, from the same place you've been, even though the approach is border line condescending, maybe taking a step back and listening to the message, removing the parts that rankle, and using what they are saying as a motivation, as a way to get back to the place you want to be, is a good start.

SIDE NOTE: There are negatives and then there is bulling and putting someone down or just being nasty. Feedback doesn't have to be nasty, it doesn't have to be hurtful. If someone is giving you feedback in this vein, it's best to ignore it. Or you can play the game of why they are being so harsh, but in that way leads to madness.

The parts that rankle are good too. You need those as well. They aren't the best things to hear sometimes, but when you take them and sit with them for a little while, you understand that feedback only hurts if you let it. It's there to show you another perspective on your own actions and behaviors.

  • Maybe you are pushing too hard in one direction and need to balance things out. 
  • Maybe you are taking too much responsibility on and need to let things drop so that others feel like they are doing their jobs. 
  • Maybe you are striking out too far on your own without asking enough questions. 
  • Maybe you thought you set expectations, but you really didn't. 
  • Maybe you left out of conversations because other voices are afraid to be overpowered

Many times, all there for someone to see and talk about if you are brave enough to listen. Even if the message isn't perfect, there's always something to someone's response.
  • Sometimes it's because you are a woman. 
  • Sometimes it's because people are intimidated and don't know how to approach the situation.
  • Sometimes it's because you don't understand yourself how to get along and where your focus should be and why you are distracted.

Some things are doomed to fail if they remain the same. Changing them can be the hardest thing you can participate in, especially when you know sometimes the only change is taking yourself out of the situation and letting someone else balance out the team and give more hope to the situation.

Sometimes leaving is better than trying to fix it. Sometimes letting someone else come in, giving them the chance to see what they can do could make all the difference, but you have to brave enough to realize it and move on.

Sometimes all the change in the world doesn't make a difference. You have to balance doing things for the sake of a team, or doing things for the sake of your own mental health.

Lessons are funny like that.


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